Co-intern #1 continues to find jarring errors that would have, otherwise, cost the company thousands of dollars and, in turn, becomes the buzz of the office. I leisurely admire how I’ve managed to grow out my nails.
Co-intern #2 exhausts himself over his board that he has been working on for weeks. I sit here at my desk surreptitiously picking my nose.
Co-intern #1 scurries back and forth between the lab and her desk, safety goggles askew. I sit at my desk, wondering for how much longer I can maintain this façade of productivity.
Co-intern #2 highlights important shit in important documents. I successfully convert my employee badge that hangs around my neck into a bolo tie.
Co-intern #1 finishes her presentation before anyone else’s and receives outstanding feedback from her supervisor. I contemplate trying the fancy coffee machine in the break room that offers “chocolate with milk” since it was finally fixed yesterday.
Co-intern #2 leaves early because he feels ill (probably from working so feverishly over his board). I decide to skip the “chocolate with milk” since I don’t see an unused cup on the counter and am too lazy to bend over and check the cupboards underneath.
Co-intern #1 earns the right to leave early by her boss because she has finished her tasks well ahead of time. I finally take initiative and contribute to the company by informing my fellow colleagues that the second bathroom stall is best for pooping in via a post-it note PSA.